thoughts on life

dreary could be a possible way to describe my existence as of late.

it is a friday evening. i just got back from some wonderful jazz, mediocre coffee, and wonderful friend fellowship, (all wonderful things, indeed) but in light of the last week (and not for any particular reason), i must pose the question of happiness.

something everyone seeks.

something i think, is what we live and thrive on.

what makes us happy?

things? circumstances? a good night? a good day? friends? a lovers embrace? music? ect.

these things all come and go. they ebb and flow just as the tide of the ocean.

so when all is stripped away, when everything seems as though it's not there, the question still remains.

what makes us happy?

at our deepest level?

we must find this if we are ever to have any true purpose and meaning to life.

maybe i'm wrong.

maybe i'm right.

thats up to you.

winter

i've started this habit of leaving my blinds open at night so i can stare into the night as i fall asleep. this is one result of that.

the somber tone of years past

gentle blowing of the wind

blowing years of memories

your rings tell of age, of wisdom, of life

sagging branches from decay

but what does the oak tell us of today?

while it's on it's way to the ground

let it tell us of the olden days, rewound.

"so many things i have seen under my leaves.

things of joy, of laughter, and pleasantries.

but also of anguish, of pain and misery."

how can this be

under this tree

the world of both extremes?

winter

shack

black

black shack

--------------

and after everything

i'm still ok.

"ok"

we're not.

but after everything

i'm still ok with saying 'i love you'.

you may not

because after everything

you've showed me you really don't care

or you just forgot, not.

and after everything

i'm ok with that.

I'll live, i promise.

but next time

(even when there's no next time)

know that i know, and know that

most like honesty over lies,

most want your body, thats no surprise,

but don't give in.

even after everything,

i say your worth more than that.

i hope someday you realize it.

winter

you say you can't see?

be thankful for your gift.

i wish i couldn't see at times

distinguish a penny from a dime

see the difference of daylight and nighttime.

this situation has me in a bind

and i'm unable to get free(be free)

you see,

i live a life of love and integrity

at least,

thats who i used to be.

not so much that i've left that state of mind

but i've left(am leaving) the bind

behind

to see what lies

intertwined

with the world which

skewed my concept of color

that made me choose one

not the other.

yet now i stand looking at both

and i seem to be going blind.

to life

to life.

welcome to part of mine.

ideas expressed in writing.

emotions brought out through the tip of a pen. (then transferred through keyboard)

enjoy.

comment.

love.

hate.