the last of this (for awhile)

this was one i wrote in the middle of pre-calculus.

Al Al Al Al= _________ (fyi)

al al al al

i'm screaming your name

through cold air

and lush forest

i see you in frame

insane

i complain

the distance between us

after everything

i still see potential

to fix everything that breaks us

i'll try i'll try

with everything i am

to be anything i haven't been

to see past the past

and unlock the beauty

thats been locked within

(halfway through the endless ocean, i broke through the ice and had a beautifully skewed notion, that you still knew that i cared for you more than just my said emotion)

_____

i'm resolving to take a break from the train of thought that seems to be so prevalent (at least to me) through most of these last writings.

it's time to be more alive in what i write, as i should be in every area.

dated 11/2/09, 11/13/09, prompts.

definitely lost

the pool shows no reflection

the trees have no leaves

but leave marks

but leaves fall

but leaves terror

but leaves surround

-

can i be heard when i shout

if no ones hears, am i really talking?

yes,

but does it matter?

-

right now let's pretend

(or at least pretend we're pretending)

that there is nothing.

for a moment believe belief

is unbelievable.

can you find your way?

-

the question tonight is one of reality

the reality of which i've known

and the reality i now know. (well that was depressing)

_______________________

11/13

it takes more than just me

it's the distance between

space and time

you and me

love and lies

o end this misery

it takes more than just you

deciding to

be wrong when it's right

giving up the short-lived fight

that i thought we had

but honestly,

i don't know what to do anymore

you, my dear, seem to have all the boats at your dock

and i'm left in the middle of this ocean

looking for a seahawk

to point me in the right direction

before i drown in the middle of this god-forsaken sea

without you, beside me.

______________________

Envy 1/18/10

while i look up

i want.

i desire.

to crawl up the latter of this food chain

and be like them.

those that trample our homes

and kill our children.

that live in ease and comfort

as we look up in terror.

If only i could be like them

If only i could be anything but an ant.

I Remember When 2/1/10

the flowers bloomed the blossom yellow

one thousand leaves tunes nature's cello

sounding the new dawn

inspiring the born fawn

to leap into the glories of spring

"it takes time" she said

to the new born

"the deadness of winter may have

caught us at the wrong time.

you came along.

things started to unwind.

but i promise you, child,

it will come in time."

travel travel

the newly laid gravel

fresh springs on the side

signs of spring all around

beside what lies before me

every step on this ground.

________________________

january 30, 2010

there was a time in which i hoped in spring

what the budding of flowers an changing of seasons would bring

snow may be melting

but frozen is the land

abandoned and deserted is the land of his hand

in time

things seemed like they could change

you melted this frozen heart

then froze it over again

yet still i wish to call you more than a friend

in time i'll see the rising of the sun

in the distance over the horizon

melting the frozen land

singing of things to come

i'll still be waiting

under the rising sun

__________________

cherish life as a gift. live with no regrets. you do not know when it may be the last.

thoughts on life

dreary could be a possible way to describe my existence as of late.

it is a friday evening. i just got back from some wonderful jazz, mediocre coffee, and wonderful friend fellowship, (all wonderful things, indeed) but in light of the last week (and not for any particular reason), i must pose the question of happiness.

something everyone seeks.

something i think, is what we live and thrive on.

what makes us happy?

things? circumstances? a good night? a good day? friends? a lovers embrace? music? ect.

these things all come and go. they ebb and flow just as the tide of the ocean.

so when all is stripped away, when everything seems as though it's not there, the question still remains.

what makes us happy?

at our deepest level?

we must find this if we are ever to have any true purpose and meaning to life.

maybe i'm wrong.

maybe i'm right.

thats up to you.

winter

i've started this habit of leaving my blinds open at night so i can stare into the night as i fall asleep. this is one result of that.

the somber tone of years past

gentle blowing of the wind

blowing years of memories

your rings tell of age, of wisdom, of life

sagging branches from decay

but what does the oak tell us of today?

while it's on it's way to the ground

let it tell us of the olden days, rewound.

"so many things i have seen under my leaves.

things of joy, of laughter, and pleasantries.

but also of anguish, of pain and misery."

how can this be

under this tree

the world of both extremes?

winter

shack

black

black shack

--------------

and after everything

i'm still ok.

"ok"

we're not.

but after everything

i'm still ok with saying 'i love you'.

you may not

because after everything

you've showed me you really don't care

or you just forgot, not.

and after everything

i'm ok with that.

I'll live, i promise.

but next time

(even when there's no next time)

know that i know, and know that

most like honesty over lies,

most want your body, thats no surprise,

but don't give in.

even after everything,

i say your worth more than that.

i hope someday you realize it.

winter

you say you can't see?

be thankful for your gift.

i wish i couldn't see at times

distinguish a penny from a dime

see the difference of daylight and nighttime.

this situation has me in a bind

and i'm unable to get free(be free)

you see,

i live a life of love and integrity

at least,

thats who i used to be.

not so much that i've left that state of mind

but i've left(am leaving) the bind

behind

to see what lies

intertwined

with the world which

skewed my concept of color

that made me choose one

not the other.

yet now i stand looking at both

and i seem to be going blind.

to life

to life.

welcome to part of mine.

ideas expressed in writing.

emotions brought out through the tip of a pen. (then transferred through keyboard)

enjoy.

comment.

love.

hate.